well after years of feeling like an outcasted sister
i still feel like an outcasted sister even when my siblings arent here
i always feel left out
recently my uncle posted a lot of family photos and tagged everyone
that was probably the only time that i independently talked to my sister and it was about a sidekick
you know the t-mobile thing
how lame is that?
let me give you a fragment of my childhood memories;
you know how i always say that im closer to my cousins compared to my siblings?
well yeah a couple of weeks ago
i realised that my relationship with my cousins now was way different then it was before.
you see,
i was always the one being bullied,left out,ignored and so on
i remember when i was playing galah panjang with my cousins
i was in S's team
when i dindt run fast enough or dodge fast enough
S would always be like "your the reason why we lost.why dindt you run/dodge fast enough?why dont you just quit the game?"
and yeah i felt like crying that time but i stood strong cause i thought he would say that to rest of the team who messed up.
but i was wrong
when M made us lose,S was like "*playfully saying*alaaa why dindt you dodge it?*smile*"
when i realised the fact that i had "special" treatment of course la i cried
then i ran into the house i cried.
like how unfair is that right?
then after i finished crying i swallowed uo my pride and went back outside and asked if i could play again.
then i tried my hardest to run/dodge faster
now,that little piece of memory made me realise that i would always change my self to suit others.
lately ive been confronting my cousins about why they treated me differently
you wanna know why i ask them that?
so that i would know what i did wrong so i could change my self to stop them from treating me like that.
im not sure if their still treating me like that
it feels friendlier now but i still cant shake the feeling of being outcasted sometimes
ive tried to stop changing my self to suit others
you know to just nt guve a fuck
i hate my life
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